How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
