If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
