My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
