Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
