Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
