we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
