then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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