I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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