Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
