were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
