So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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