Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
