they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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