you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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