sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
