i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
