if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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