watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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