She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
