I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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