dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
