Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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