OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someone shattered a urinal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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