we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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