So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
