i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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