I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
