Got a toothbrush?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
