Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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