So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
