Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
