Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
