Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
