Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
