Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
