Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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