Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
