Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
