Don't make out with my wife yet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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