I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
