I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
