I wanna bring you to show and tell
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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