I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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