Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
