Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
