Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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