I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ladies don't puke and tell
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
