I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
