Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
