Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
