When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
