i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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