You're so nebulous sometimes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
