Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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