forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
