So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
