My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
