Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
