Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
