why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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