capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
