I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
