After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
