What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
