you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
