I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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