She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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