i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
