So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
