remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
