Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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