He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
