two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
