There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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