Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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