I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry about my life...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
