i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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