I feel great
I just peed on a car
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
