He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As shirtless as possible
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
