in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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